


Your Radiant Smile

by Akiraaaaaaaaaaa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, Established Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, M/M, Non-Canonical, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiraaaaaaaaaaa/pseuds/Akiraaaaaaaaaaa
Summary: Sawamura and Koushi has been dating ever since their senior years and are now both University students.Due to busy schedules, the two seemed to be meeting less frequent and has been failing to check on each other.It didn't matter to Sawamura. He knew their love is not too fragile to be broken by lack of time. He's not worried. He believed Koushi would tell him if anything wrong happens. He was too confident of their connection, he never thought he'll regret it.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

_“I was so blinded by your bright smile_

_That I never noticed it was forced”_

Sawamura decided to take a short break for a while

It’s past 2 am and he haven’t slept even a wink.

He picked up his phone from the bedside table to check if there are any messages

_(8 Missed calls and 5 unread messages)_

He opened it to find out that it was all from Sugawara Koushi, his Long-term lover.

‘does he need something?’ Sawamura asked himself.

He hesitated to call back for a while since it was already 2 am but he dialed his number anyway.

It rang for a while before someone picked up from the other line

**_“H-hello?_** ” Koushi said from the other line

Sawamura’s eyebrows furrowed upon hearing Koushi’s voice

**_“Have you been crying? What’s with your voice?”_** He asked

Koushi’s voice was a little different than usual so he got worried

**_“No.”_** anwered Koushi

**_“I just woke up from sleep when you called that’s why my voice is a little hoarse”_** he explained

**_“Alright then. Why were you calling earlier? You needed something? I wasn’t able to pick up because my phone was on silent”_** Sawamura said

**_“Oh n-nothing. I just wanted to check on you. Did I worry you?”_** Koushi asked

**_“hm. a little.”_** Sawamura answered

**_“Don’t worry. I’m fine.”_** Koushi assured sawamura

**_“alright”_** Sawamura said.

He was actually doubting Koushi’s words but he was too tired to even be persistent about the matter.

**_“By the way, do you have any free time later?”_** Koushi asked

**_“I’m sorry. I have to meet with some groupmates to work on a presentation after class”_** Sawamura said

**_“Ah. It’s fine”_** Koushi said with a disappointed tone

However, Sawamura seemed to be so out of it he failed to notice how the other one felt

**_“Okay. Do you have anything more to say?”_** he asked

There was a slight pause before Koushi answered

**_“Nah. There’s nothing. You can Hang up now”_** Koushi responded

**_“Okay. I love you”_ **

**_“I love you too”_ **

They both said and ended the call.

Sawamura placed the phone again on the bed side table and returned to working on his requirements

\----------

It was 8 am when Sawamura’s Alarm went off. He had classes at 10 so he immediately opened his eyes and turned the alarm off

He looked at the screen and opened the messages Koushi sent

_“Morning. Are you up already?”_

_“You have classes at 10 right?”_

_“I know you’ll be busy but try your best to eat on time okay?”_

_“I love you, Daichi”_

‘I’ll reply after I get myself ready to leave’ Sawamura told himself then stood up to go to the bathroom to get ready

\----------

 **“Okay then we’re done for today? Just send me your parts in the presentations until 10 pm and I’ll be the one to compile”** Said Kiyoko. One of Sawamura’s groupmate

They just finished their meeting for the presentation the three of them are working on

**“I’ll go ahead. I have some more things to do”** said Kiyoko

Sawamura just nodded as a response.

Kiyoko headed out of the café so Sawamura was left with azumane, another groupmate and a close friend of his and koushi.

**“Ah. This is one hell of a week”** said Azumane.

**“yeah.”** Sawamura simply replied. He was too exhausted that he didn’t feel like talking too much

**“By the way, is Koushi alright now? Man, you guys had a tough time”** Azumane asked that made Sawamura furrow his eyebrow

**“What do you mean?”** sawamura asked in return

Azumane’s face had a slight hint of confusion in his face

**“ah—**

He wasn't even able to say a word and was interrupted by the ringing of his phone

He talked for a while in the person on the phone as Sawamura was left all curious about what he meant

**“I’m sorry. It was Yuu. I have to go now.”** he said and hurriedly headed out of the café

‘But what’s with Koushi? He didn’t have the chance to tell me’ is the thought that lingered through sawamura’s mind

Suddenly, He remembered he hadn’t responded to Koushi’s message

‘shit’ he cursed inside his head and immediately fished his phone from his pocket.

There’s a lot of messages from Koushi again so he decided to call him

**_“Hey. I’m sorry I forgot to respond”_** He said after the other one picked up

**_“It’s fine. I know you’re busy”_** Koushi replied

**_“You still got things to do?”_** Koushi once again asked

**_“Yea. Why?”_ **

**_“can’t I really see you? Can’t I sleep in your place tonight?”_** Koushi pleaded

Sawamura felt a little guilty. He knew he’s been lacking time for Koushi for a long while now

_**“But Koushi, I wouldn’t be able to take care of you. I’ve got loads of things to do”**_ Sawamura said.

It’s not like he didn’t want him to. He’s just really busy

**_“No. It’s fine. I just really wanna see you. You don’t have to look after me”_** Koushi once again pleaded

‘How could I even turn him down if he pleads like that?’ he thought

**_“Alright. You could stay the night”_ **He said

**_“But where are you now? Our meeting finished earlier than expected. Want me to pick you up and head home together?”_** Sawamura asked.

**_“I’m actually on my way out of the Univ.”_** Koushi replied

_“ **Alright. I’m not that far from there so wait for me there. Let’s go home together”**_

_**“Okay. You can Hang up now. I love you!”**_ Koushi said.

He seemed to be in a better mood based on his tone

‘that’s a relief’ Sawamura thought

Sawamura approached the gate of Koushi’s Univ and he immediately spotted him

How can he not? He’s got a very bright aura surrounding him that catches people’s attention

Their eyes met as he approached him and Koushi gave him a wide smile.

‘I feel like It’s been years since I saw that smile’ he thought

He smiled in return and continued to walk towards Koushi

The guy threw himself on him as soon as he got close

**“Koushi, there are too many people”** Sawamura said

He noticed that lot of people was giving them weird looks

Instead of letting go, Koushi hugged him even tighter

**“Hey. You told me you don’t wanna be found out”** He reminded Koushi.

They’ve been lovers for years but they both hadn’t come out

Only their closest friends Azumane and Yuu are aware of their relationship.

They had to hide since both of them are well aware of how their parents would be totally against it

Koushi shook his head which is currently buried on his chest

**_“_ It doesn’t matter now. I don’t care anymore”** Koushi said still embracing Sawamura tightly

‘He’s acting unusual. Is he really alright?’ Sawamura asked himself

**“You’re being weird”** He said

Koushi broke off the hug

**“Is it weird if I wanted to show off our love so suddenly?”** Koushi asked and smiled to him sweetly

**“Ah whatever. I like it better this way”** Sawamura said and placed his hand on Koushi’s waist as they started to walk side by side

\--------------

It has been hours since they arrived at sawamura's Place but the two didn't have any time to talk

Sawamura proceeded to doing his school works while Koushi sat in his bed quietly staring at his lover

**"Daichi, it's already 7. should I cook dinner for us?"** Koushi asked 

**"No. It was already so bad that I cannot even entertain you. Let's just order some from the fastfood"** Daichi answered still focusing on what he's doing

**"You sure?"**

**"Hm"**

It was not too long until someone knocked on the door

It was the delivery guy. Koushi was the one who opened the door to get the food and pay.

**"Continue that later. Let's eat first"** Koushi told Sawamura

Sawamura then left his study table to join Koushi.

**"Do you often eat this kind of food?"** Koushi asked with obvious worry on his face.

**"Just when I'm too busy to cook"** Sawamura answered

**"You're always busy though?"** Koushi said.

Sawamura just remained silent

Koushi clicked his tongue

**"You should be eating healthy food so you can have more energy to finish all your works"** he said

**"Nah. Can't cook well"** Sawamura said

**"How can you survive by yourself in the future when you can't even cook"** Koushi nagged sawamura

**"You're here anyways. you'll cook for me."** Sawamura confidently answered

silence filled the room. that made Sawamura stare at Koushi 

'why is he not answering?' he asked himself

**"Why are you quiet? Don't tell me you don't plan on marrying me? What? you have someone else now?"** Sawamura said half jokingly

Koushi chuckled

**"I've told you so may times that you'll be the first and last person I'll love"** Koushi said

**"Good"** Sawamura said and smiled

Suddenly, Sawamura remembered Azumane's words earlier

**"Hey. Are you hiding something from me?"** Sawamura asked

Koushi panicked but he tried to suppress it and said

**"Huh? what do you mean?"**

**"Azumane was asking if you were alright now. I was thinking if you had a problem and didn't tell me"** Sawamura said

**"So, is there something you have to tell me?"** He asked once again

Koushi remained silent

He looked like he was about to say something when Sawamura's alarm went off

**"Shit. It's time to get back to work. We will talk after I finish this."** He said and went to the room again while Koushi was cleaning up after them

\-----------------

It was already midnight when Sawamura finished his work.

He looked at Koushi only to find him fast asleep

'He's like an angel' he thought

He climbed up the bed and lied down beside his lover

 **"hmm"** Koushi mumbled while slowly opening his right eye

**"Sorry did I wake you up?"** Sawamura apologized

**"No it's fine"** Koushi replied with a hoarse voice

 **"Give me a hug"** He commanded so Sawamura embraced him tightly

 **"Ah. so warm"** Koushi exclaimed while hugging back

**"You looked like you were about to say something earlier. what is it?"** Asked sawamura while still holding the guy in his arms

 **"it was nothing important. just hug me tighter"** Koushi said

Sawamura followed what he said and hugged him so tight that he could even hear the man's heartbeat

**"Your heartbeat is so loud and fast"** He said

**"Yea. and it only beats like that with you"** Koushi replied with a really sleepy tone.

 **"tch. sweet-talker. Let's sleep now hm?"** Sawamura said

Koushi nodded as a response

The two fell asleep comfortably in each other's arm

\------------

 **"Koushi, I have to leave for class now"** Sawamura said while buttoning up his shirt.

**"Alright. you can go ahead. I'll leave shortly after you"** Koushi said

Sawamura looked at himself in the mirror before he gave Koushi a kiss on the lips.

he was about to leave when Koushi pulled his hand

 **"Why?"** he asked

 **"Look at me"** Koushi said

Sawamura was confused by Koushi's actions but he did what he wanted anyway

He kneeled down so his face would be on the same level as koushi who was sitting on the bed

Koushi cupped his face

'why is he doing this?' sawamura asked himself

**"Just for a few minutes. Let's stay like this"** Koushi said while wearing a wide smile

Sawamura gave in and did what he said

After a while, Koushi let go of him

**"Do your best today as well Daichi. Take care. I love you. Always."**

Sawamura felt a slight pain on his chest. Somehow, Sawamura's words felt heavy.

 **"I love you too"** Sawamura said and once again gave him a sweet kiss before he finally left

\--------------

Classes were over. Everyone had left the lecture hall aside from him and Azumane

Sawamura was still sitting thinking really hard. He was so out of it since morning

He was bothered by Koushi's words although there was nothing wrong to it.

'He said I love you but why does it feel like he was saying goodbye?' he asked himself

**"Hey, are you alright?"** Azumane asked that made him snap back to reality

Suddenly he remembered Azumane asking if Koushi was alright

'maybe he knows something' Sawamura thought

**"Hey. Has Koushi been having problems recently?"** Sawamura asked that made Azumane confused

**"You mean to say you didn't know?"** Azumane asked.

Sawamura's heart started beating wildly. He's having a bad feeling about this

**"Know what?"** he once again asked

Azumane's face becaame serious

**"I actually just heard from Yuu the day before I asked you if Koushi was fine. Apparently, you were found out by both your parents"** Azumane said

Sawamura was baffled by the news

**"What?! How?! When?!"** Sawamura asked

**"About 2 months ago? Yuu said it you were found out by Koushi's Lowerclass men and the news spread throughout the Univ. Both your parents didn't take the news well. Koushi was even disowned by his parents"**

Sawamura wasn't able to speak. 

'How come he didn't tell me?" is what's going through his mind

**"The situation got really bad. Yuu told me how bad their schoolmates treated Koushi for being gay.**

**It got even worse when Koushi's parents refused giving him money. He had to stop attending college and work part-time."**

everything Azumane says adds up to the heavy load in his heart

 **"and as if The situation is not as bad as it is, your parents even went to see Koushi and ask him to end his relationship with you. I didn't know that you were clueless about all of that. I thought Koushi told you. I mean, that's too much to handle on his own. He even got slapped by your mother. That's what Yuu told me"** Azumane said

**"I mean, I get it that you were too busy for the past few months but how could he not tell you? It must've been really hard on him"**

Still speechless, Sawamura looked for his phone to contact Koushi

'How can he not tell me?! How did he handle all of those on his own?!' Sawamura thought

'I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a big Jerk. I've been constantly ignoring him to focus on my studies and was fucking clueless' Sawamura blamed himself

He finally found his phone and looked for messages. Usually, There would be a lot of messages from Koushi but this time was different. There was only one

_"I love you. Please remember my face well_ " is what's written on the text

It was as if Cold water was splashed directly to Sawamura's face. he stared blankly on his screen before he snapped back to reality

**"Fuck"** He blurted out and ran as fast as he can. 

Azumane was not even able to ask him where he is heading to

He hurriedly hailed a cab when he arrived outside the University and went to Koushi's place

He was franctic all the way to the place. He's been calling Koushi's phone but no one was picking up

He ran to the door as soon as they arrived. 

**"KOUSHI OPEN UP!!!"** Sawamura shouted as he was banging on the door almost breaking it but there was no response

**"KOUSHI!!"** he shouted again.

This time he lost all his cool and decided to break open the door

He kicked it with all his strength only to be left dumfounded by the scenery he found.

It was as if his whole world crumbled into pieces 

He wasn't able to speak a word. his face was blank. He lost all his strength in his legs and fell on his knees

Speechless, and couldn't believe the sight that was before him.

He stared at the body of his beloved. He was lying on his bed as if he was just sleeping

Sawamura, gathering all his strength, stood up and approached Koushi

He hugged him tight.

and that's when he started breaking down.

It was cold...

He cannot hear the fast and loud beating of Koushi's heart anymore.

He cannot feel those warm arms hugging him back anymore

He stared at his face and unlike earlier, It wasn't wearing that Radiant smile he's been wearing all the time anymore

**"Koushi... Why are you not breathing?"** he asked but there was no response

**"Please..."** he pleaded

still, all that's heard was his sobbing and heavy breathing... only his.

His mind was filled with questions of how

How did this happen?

How can I be so stupid?

How did I not know?

How...

did never notice that while your face was trying to deceive me with your bright smile,

your eyes has been constantly looking at me while crying out for help?

How?


	2. Koushi's Letter

Sawamura returned to his place all gloomy.

He just got home from Koushi's burial  
He headed straight to his bedroom and sat there doing nothing.

It's like his soul also died along with his lover.

He opened the drawer and picked up a piece of paper.

It was a letter koushi left him.  
He hadn't read it yet. His heart was not ready but now, he decided to do it

Trembling, he unfolded the piece of paper he was holding

_Daichi,_

  
_I'm not really sure if I should be doing this. My intent in writing this letter is to make you feel better but I guess that would not be the case. Considering how much ypu love me, this would end up hurting you more than making you feel better._

_I would like to start by saying sorry. Sorry if I didn't tell you. Sorry because what I'm about to do is an act of selfishness. Sorry if I chose the easy way out rather than fighting alongside with you. I'm sorry for giving up._

_Please know that you haven't done anything wrong. I kno you'll blame ypurself but please don't. It wasn't you or your lack of time. To be honest, I could've told you anytime. But I chose not to._

_The voices in my head which disappeared when you came to my life returned. Stronger than they were before. I'm hopeless. I'm too corrupted to be saved._

_Please know it's not your fault. It would never be. You are the only reason I was able to hold on for so long. The only reason I stayed. And all you did was make me happy and make me feel special._

_Daichi, I know this is too much for me to ask. I know you'll grieve for some time but please after that, dry your tears and try to be happy without me okay? I'll be watching you so try your best to find your own happiness even if I'm gone._

_You can even find someone new. However, I really hope that you won't forget about me. Please let me stay in your memories and lend me still a part of your heart. No matter how small, as long as I'm there_

_Thankyou for all the wonderful years with you. It was all full of bliss and overwhelming love._

_I love you daichi. Until my last breath_

_Love, Koushi._

Upon reading the letter, Sawamura's tears once again flooded.

He wasn't able to suppress his sobs. He cried and mourned. Afterall, he lost his everything

He talked. As if he's talking to someone. As if Koushi was infront of him

**"Koushi..."**

**"I'm sorry... for not noticing that you were in pain"**

He talked. As if he's talking to someone. As if Koushi was infront of him

**"I-i became too busy with things I thought are for the sake of our future and I..."**

**"I never knew.you wouldn't be a part of it"**

He uttered with a trembling voice.

**"and I'm sorry I won't be able to do what you want"**

**"I can't find my happiness or someone else. Because it was you... And will always be just you"**

**"I love you too, Koushi. Until my last breath"**

**Author's Note:**

> This is a two shot story. Part 2 Contains a letter from Koushi addressed to Sawamura.  
> I was listening to Lewis Capaldi's Before you go on repeat while writing this. Such heartbreaking song.


End file.
